


If my soul is gone

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: BDSM, First Time, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Season/Series 06
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-27
Updated: 2010-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-06 20:39:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8768494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Sam lost his soul. But he’s still got needs.Warning for dubious con, although I’m not sure if that’s the correct label for it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

  
Author's notes: This is my way of saying I’m sorry for not updating my other fic in a while. RL has been a bitch (again) and my plotbunny’s been terminally ill. It’s slowly recovering now, though.

I wrote this fic a few weeks ago, when I was almost certain that Sam had lost his soul, I just didn’t dare to post it in case I was wrong. I edited a few parts to make it fit with what’s happened during the latest episodes, so obviously there are a few spoilers here. Just a couple of small ones though. It's not PWP for nothing!  


* * *

 

 

There was something weird about Sam that night. It wasn’t the usual I-don’t-have-soul-weird, it was something entirely different that made Dean uneasy. He could feel Sam’s stare burning into his neck even as he was sitting by the table with his back turned against the bed Sam was lying on. Ever since their talk a few days ago when Sam admitted he couldn’t care less about Lisa and Ben, hell, even Dean, there’d been some weird crap going on with his brother. Burning stares whenever Dean took off some clothes, an appreciative nod every now and then, lingering touches. Something was up, and it annoyed Dean that he wasn’t able to put his finger on what it was or where it came from.

To hell with it, he thought, closed the laptop he’d been staring at for the last half hour and got up. He started pulling off his clothes as he turned towards the bathroom and snatched the towel that laid discarded on top of his duffel bag. There it was again, that appreciative look on Sam’s face. Just weird.

“Imma grab a shower, don’t do anything stupid while I’m in there,” he said and opened the door to the bathroom.

“What do you think I am, six?” Sam said. He didn’t huff. The old Sam would’ve huffed his disapproval of Dean’s comment.

“No, I think you’re a soulless guy who won’t take no for an answer even though that chick you checked out earlier apparently has a boyfriend.”

“Wow. Your opinion of me is _that_ low?”

“Just… behave,” Dean said and closed the door between them.

____________________________________

Sam was still there when Dean got out of the bathroom 15 minutes later, laying on the bed in the exact same position as before. Dean felt completely naked under his stare, even though he had the towel wrapped around his hips.

“Did you jerk off?” Sam asked suddenly. Dean froze, and then turned to look at his brother’s open face. He looked like he’d just asked a normal, everyday question.

“None of your business, little bro,” Dean answered, trying for casual even though the question unsettled him. ‘Cause really, what the fuck?

“Oh, but it is. My business.”

“I don’t see how that can be any of your business, what the fuck is wrong with you nowadays?”

“It is, because I don’t want you to be worn out, I have plans for tonight,” Sam said and rose from the bed. Dean felt himself backing away a few steps. He hadn’t meant to, but RoboSam might’ve scared him a little. Sam walked closer, predator written all over his movements.

“Well, you can take your plans and stick’em up your ass, I’m worn out already.”

“So you did jerk off?” Sam stated with a husky voice as he stalked closer to Dean who involuntarily kept backing away.

“No, I’m just tired, what are you doing, this, I…” Dean shut his mouth when his back hit the wall behind him. Sam kept coming towards him and didn’t stop until he was less than a foot away, towering over Dean. Being so close together forced Dean to tilt his head more backwards than he was used to in order to look Sam in the eyes, and he hated how small and insignificant he made him feel.

“Y’know,” Sam said and placed his hands on either side of Dean’s shoulders, as if to keep him in place, “not having a soul definitely has its benefits. I don’t feel remorse or guilt.” He paused. “I don’t feel shame.”

He leaned even closer to Dean, and Dean felt the urge to get away, put some distance between him and his freaky sasquatch of a brother. But he had always been stubborn, and he refused to give in to whatever game Sam was playing. So he stayed put, felt his breath quicken just a little bit as Sam stepped in, leaving only an inch or two between them.

“But I have needs. Basic instincts. Eat and fuck. That’s pretty much it, though. Romantic, isn’t it?” Sam said with a smile that made chills run down Dean’s spine.

“Yeah, really,” Dean said, unable to come up with a witty retort.

“You were probably right. Having a low opinion of me, I mean. If I want something, I just take it.”

“Why don’t I wanna know what it is that you want?”

Sam let out a short laugh. “Oh, I think you want to know, you’re just scared to admit it. I don’t have inhibitions like that anymore, lucky you.”

Dean really didn’t follow. He had no idea what his freaky brother was talking about, and he was pretty sure he _didn’t_ want to know what he was talking about.

“I still remember what it was like before. Having feelings, I mean. It sucked. Bigtime. The shame I felt when I thought about you spread eagle on a bed, ready for me. The guilt when I jerked off imagining that I fucked you into the mattress.”

Dean felt his heart rate pick up another notch.

“Dude, sick! Get out of my way!” he said, and attempted to push Sam away. The man was immovable.

“No. ‘Cause I happen to know you feel the same way, only now I’m not scared of being rejected because you have some weird sense of… whatever it is,” Sam said. “I _don’t care_ if you push me away, ‘cause I _know_ you’ll like what I’m about to do to you.”

Dean’s heart skipped a few beats at that. _I know you’ll like what I’m about to do to you_.

Sam trailed a hand down Dean’s chest, stopping at his waist, hovering over the knot on the towel. And Dean couldn’t move. It was like watching a car accident, when you know something’s about to go horribly wrong; you’re just unable to do anything about it. So Dean didn’t move an inch as Sam loosened the knot with a simple tug and dropped the towel to the floor. Dean was already half hard, and Sam wasn’t surprised. Not at all.

“I loved you, you know. Not just in that whole brotherly way, that’s nothing new. But I _loved_ you. And I know, if I get my soul back, we’ll only fall back into that same routine, denying our need for each other, dancing around each other in that same, frustrating way. I can’t do that. I won’t.” Sam’s finger drew patterns around Dean’s cock, made it grow harder by the second. Then he leaned even closer, lips against Dean’s ear, whispering; “I won’t take no for an answer, so you might as well enjoy the ride.”

The words scared Dean. But at the same time they did things to him he’d never even imagined. He knew where this was heading now, and he would let it happen. He would give in to his dark desire, because now he could blame it all on Sam, and be free of guilt. For once he wasn’t the one in charge, the one to blame when morning came and shit hit the fan. Not that it would do that come daylight, but when Sam got his soul back and realized what they’d done… He’d be the one haunted by shame and guilt, not Dean.

But in order to rid himself of guilt he’d have to fight. Put up a struggle worthy of Dean Winchester. He looked Sam straight in the eyes and said: “No way in hell.”

“I thought so. Makes it easier for you, huh? Well, if that’s the way it’s gotta be… I like it when you fight.”

Shivers of anticipation mixed with a trace of fear ran down Dean’s spine. He wasn’t scared of being close to Sam, he’d finally get to feel that satiny skin under his fingers, hear him moan his pleasure, see him lose control. But he was flying blind as fuck here, and Sam had made it clear; he was the one in charge, and Dean was just along for the ride. What if Dean didn’t like the ride? If it… Nevertheless, being at Sam’s mercy heightened his arousal; he was already full and throbbing, just from a few, light touches of Sam’s fingers.

“Such a little slut for me, aren’t you, _Dean_?” Sam asked as he wrapped his hand around Dean’s cock and watched his almost pained expression of pleasure. Dean slammed his palms into the wall, trying to stop himself from tugging Sam closer as he reminded himself that he didn’t want this. Yeah, right. And Santa Clause existed.

Sam let go of his cock after a few strokes, leaving Dean breathless and wanting. He forcefully kicked his legs apart and stepped in between his them, rough denim against Dean’s naked skin, making him feel defenseless and dirty.

“Stop it, Sam. We can’t do this,” he pleaded. “You may be right about some of the things you’re saying, but I’m not having sex with a bleak replica of my brother. I’ll take the angst and repressed desire over that any day.” No point in denying his unbrotherly feelings towards Sam, he could clearly see right through him. When Sam showed no sign that he’d even heard what Dean said, he once again tried to push him away, but found that he was still immovable. So Dean pulled his arm back until his elbow hit the wall, aiming his fist for Sam’s nose.

Of course Sam saw the move coming from a mile away. Of course he gripped Dean’s wrists and slammed them back against the wall, used his body to pin him even harder against it. The thing Dean didn’t expect though, was that Sam would bite his neck hard enough to draw blood. It hurt like hell and at the same time made him grind his hips into Sam’s, seeking friction on his now leaking cock.

“That all you got?” Sam mocked as he nibbled his way up Dean’s throat, along his jaw line, every now and then biting just that little bit harder, making Dean into an incoherent puddle of lust and want and need.

Dean never got the chance to answer because the moment he opened his mouth to say: Of course not, Sam used the opportunity to close that last, little distance between them and kiss his brother senseless. He plunged his tongue deep into Dean’s mouth without asking for permission and God save him, but Dean couldn’t help himself; he met the kiss with equal strength and force, battling his tongue against Sam’s. He was quickly kissed into submission though.

Sam was kind of a sloppy kisser, but the raw power behind his movements, both his lips, tongue and his body made Dean’s knees weaken. He felt himself start to slide down the wall even as he struggled to keep standing on his feet. Sam caught Dean’s bottom lip between his teeth and bit down nearly hard enough to draw blood a second time. He slowly let go of the abused lip and whispered against his lips: “Behave, and I’ll give you pleasures you’ve never even imagined.” Then he let go of Dean’s wrists, grabbed his thighs, lifted up and wrapped them around his waist. Dean had never been manhandled like that before, it made him blush self-consciously, but he still couldn’t help it; he used his legs to pull Sam impossibly closer. And as he threaded the fingers on one hand through Sam’s hair and used the other to start unbuttoning his shirt, all he could think was; this isn’t fighting.

When Sam felt Dean tighten his muscles to support himself he let go of his thighs then grabbed his ass with one hand and lifted the other one to Dean’s mouth. He nudged his index finger against Dean’s partly separated lips and moaned loudly as Dean licked his lips and opened his mouth enough to let Sam finger-fuck his mouth.

“God, so hot,” Sam whispered as he grinded his erection hard into Dean’s. It almost hurt, the rough denim against Dean’s sensitive skin, but it was just this side of too hard, too painful.

Dean’s hand on the buttons stilled as Sam pulled his finger out, lowered his hand and pressed said finger against his puckered hole, slowly circling before carefully slipping inside. Dean gasped at the alien sensation that felt so different and so much better than he’d ever imagined. Sam attacked his throat again, started nipping, licking, sucking and biting at the already abused skin, making Dean see stars, relax and stop focusing on the bold finger. Dean didn’t even notice what Sam was up to before he felt the burn in his ass caused by the second finger Sam added.

It felt so good he almost came just by that, but the pain suddenly slammed him back into reality; Sam was preparing him. And by the feel of his erection against Dean, he was HUGE. A slight touch of panic made Dean forget all the wonderful things Sam was doing to his body and when he pushed against Sam this time, he meant it.

It didn’t do much good though. Sam stumbled half a step backwards, looking perplexed by Dean’s move. Then he smiled one of his scary – and sexy as hell, Dean had to admit – soulless smiles and took on a cocky posture.

“You really think you can stop me, Dean? ‘Cause you’re the one who taught me how to fight?”

Dean didn’t know what to answer. Sam was strong, stronger than ever, and who knew what kind of moves he’d learned over the past year. Dean suddenly realized he didn’t know his own brother anymore. Nevertheless Dean cocked his head, smiled his trademark give’em-hell-attitude-grin and said: “Sure. Bring it on, bitch!” And if he was disappointed when Sam didn’t answer with his usual “jerk” he quickly forgot it when Sam grabbed his wrist and pulled him off balance, twisted his arm behind his back and forced him face first down on the small table standing beside them.

“Dammit, Sammy, that hurt!” Dean complained before he went completely stiff at the feeling of Sam’s huge denim clad cock right against his ass.

“I told you I’d give you pleasure if you behaved. You didn’t,” Sam whispered against his ear as he struggled to get hold of something on the other side of the table. Dean was pressed so firmly down on the table he couldn’t turn his head to see what it was. His heart was racing, his breath fast and strained. And his cock was still leaking happily, that deceiving piece of appendage!

Sam finally got hold of whatever he’d been reaching for. He lifted his weight of Dean’s back, stroked the hand he’d been reaching with along his spine, clutching some soft, light fabric. Dean suddenly realized what it was. A tie. The very tie Dean had worn earlier that day and slung across the chair when they’d arrived back at the motel room. Sam didn’t waste any more time, just forced Dean’s wrists together and tied them up behind his back. When Dean caught on to what was happening his cock twitched in anticipation and no matter how many times his brain told him that this was bad news, his body betrayed him; he couldn’t wait for Sam to just fuck him already.

“So,” Sam said. ”You ready for what I’ve got for you?” He punctuated his question by grinding his cock against Dean’s ass. And God help him, but he couldn’t stop himself from pushing back.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Sam said and Dean could hear the self confidence in his voice, the smug bastard was probably smirking.

“It’s a resounding no, can’t you tell?” Dean shot back and halfheartedly tried to stand up. Sam just put a hand between his shoulders and gently pushed him down again. Just how easy did you have to be to give in to that?

“Stay where you are,” Sam ordered as he walked away from Dean to rummage through his bag. And although he felt extremely exposed and self conscious, Dean obeyed; he was done fighting, done denying his desire. He could hear the metallic sound of a belt buckle being opened, clothes being discarded onto the floor and then Sam was there again, naked skin against naked skin, his cock sliding up and down the crack of Dean’s ass, pushing slightly against his entrance making Dean go stiff again, brace himself for the pain he knew would come. But Sam didn’t push in, didn’t use his advantage to just take Dean. Instead he dropped to his knees behind Dean, bent down and sucked his balls into his mouth.

Dean cried out from the sheer surprise of it, making a really girly noise. He imagined fucking Sam’s mouth, moaned just thinking about it. Those soft but confident lips stretched around his cock…

Sam wrapped a hand loosely around Dean’s cock, stroked slowly up and down and then his tongue pushed inside him without any kind of warning. Dean almost came there and then, his cock twitching happily. He pushed back against the divine sensation that was Sam’s tongue, and who would’ve thought his little brother was such a kinky oh-so-skilled sex-god?

The feeling of Sam’s tongue inside him was ten kinds of awesome and unlike anything Dean had ever felt and when Sam started tongue-fucking him, all of Dean’s walls broke down; he started begging, flat out begging.

“Please, Sam, oh God, please, I can’t take it, just, fuck, I need…”

Sam stopped rimming Dean’s ass for just long enough to say: “Please what? What do you need, _Dean_?”

The way Sam pronounced his name sent chills down Dean’s back. It was something akin to it, reminded him of something he couldn’t really grasp, and not in a good way. But then Sam shoved two fingers deep inside him, and the thought fled his mind as Sam hit right on his prostate.

“Jesus fuck, Sam, do that again!” he cried as he pushed back against those blissfully skilled fingers and even if it hurt a little, the pleasure out weighted that times ten. He couldn’t help but wonder if Sam had done this before.

Sam laughed.

“Yeah? You want that? Or do you want something else? Something… like my cock, fucking so deep into your tight little ass that you’ll feel it for days?”

It was so dirty, so forbidden. Dean wasn’t unfamiliar with dirty talk or almost any kind of sexual activity that could be considered somewhat normal, but he definitely never ever though he’d hear words like this come out of his brother’s mouth.

Especially not when the ass in question belonged to him.

“Please, I just want to… HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!” he shouted when Sam added another finger and practically _raped his prostate._

“I’ll just go ahead and do my business then, you seem to be having trouble making conscious decisions tonight,” Sam said as he pulled his fingers out. “But there are a couple of rules you gotta obey; you come when I say, not a second earlier. _I_ set the pace. In fact, under no circumstances are you allowed to move at all. And you come just from me fucking that virgin ass of yours.”

Dean didn’t think he could do it. His cock was so hard now, just the smallest of touches would probably bring him off, but coming just from being fucked? As if to prove him wrong his cock twitched when Sam lined his cock up at his entrance, pushing slightly in before pulling out again, and then Dean could hear the flick of a cap being opened and then could liquid being poured over his crack, hear Sam slick himself.

And then Sam didn’t waste any more time.

He buried his cock balls deep with one mighty thrust, and Dean cried out because this wasn’t pleasant, no, not even in the same realm as pleasant.

“Dammit, Sam, slow!” he complained and tried to pull away from the pain, ‘cause his brother was fucking HUGE!

“I said. _Don’t. Move._ ” Sam sneered, gripped a handful of Dean’s hair and pulled back until Dean was looking at the ceiling, hissing in pain. Then he licked up the stretched column of his neck and bit down on Dean’s earlobe. His back was arched to the point of breaking, his ass burned, he felt dirty and used and shameful. So how come his cock was still hard and leaking for attention?

Sam abruptly let go of Dean’s hair and took a firm hold of his hips instead.

“So… You about ready to get fucked into oblivion?”

Dean wasn’t ready. Not by a long shot. His ass was still adjusting to the fucking missile impaling him, but he didn’t think Sam would care much if he told him. He could feel his hand trembling on his hips, most likely he was fighting the urge to just pound into him with abandon already. So he did what a hunter out of options would do: he stalled.

“Please, just untie my hands. I promise I won’t move, it’s just that my shoulders hurt and my hand aren’t getting enough blood and…” He didn’t get to say any more before Sam started fighting with the knot on the tie, cursing when he couldn’t loosen it.

“There’s a knife, on the chair…” was all Dean managed to say before Sam leaned over, grabbed the knife and cut the tie away from Dean’s hands.

There was no stopping it now. Sam once again gripped Dean’s hips, pulled his cock almost all the way out and shoved back into the tight heat of Dean’s ass with so much force that Dean had to take a firm hold on the table in to prevent himself from falling off. It still hurt, but not as bad as the first time and by every new thrust the pain faded away a little more. Then Sam changed the angle by lifting Dean’s hips an inch.

The zing of pleasure when Sam hit _just right_ was so powerful Dean couldn’t keep on his feet. No way, it didn’t matter how hard he tried, his knees just gave in and stopped working. And when he realized that Sam was the one keeping him from falling to the floor with his mighty strong arms, he almost came right there. He started moaning a litany of pleasure, “fuck, unh, jesus Sammy, fuck, oh God, uhn,” and so on.

He wasn’t coherent at all anymore, and all he wanted was to fuck back onto Sam, impale himself deeper on Sam’s cock - as if that was even possible- but the vice like hold his brother had on his hips made that impossible, not to mention he wasn’t sure he’d dare to disobey Sam’s rules.

Sam’s movements grew frantic, he was fucking Dean so fast and hard that Dean lost himself into a world of white hot light, pleasure so intense he couldn’t remember anything like it, feeling his orgasm closing in on him.

Sam let go of Dean’s hip with one arm, reached forward and laced his fingers together with Dean’s where he was clutching the end of the table and placed openmouthed kisses on his throat. Dean felt surrounded, filled and claimed on a level he hadn’t considered possible.

“Please, let me come, I need to come, oh God, please,” he moaned as he turned his head in search for Sam’s mouth. Sam met his lips in a kiss so hungry and devouring they couldn’t keep it up more than a few seconds. Sam had to wrap his arm around Dean’s belly to keep him standing, because his legs were really giving in now.

“Okay, yeah, come for me, Dean, now!” Sam moaned as he stood back up and forced his cock impossibly deeper into Dean.

Those words were all Dean needed to let go. He felt his balls drawing up as pleasure rippled through his body and he fell in a state of ecstasy so intense the world blacked out and all he could feel was that Sam kept hitting that spot deep inside him as he filled him with semen and drove their orgasm impossibly further…

_____________________________

When Dean regained consciousness a little while later, he was lying on his bed. Alone. His ass was so sore he grimaced as he turned around to look for Sam and he felt a rush of both relief and regret when he found his brother – or whatever the hell he was these days- on the other bed.

Sam was already looking at him, lying on his side, head propped up on one arm.

“I’m trying to imagine this moment like it would be if I had a soul,” he said. “But I can’t do it. I have no idea how I would feel. I get that I’d probably be lying beside you, cuddling and whispering silly little words, but I have no idea what to say or how to feel.”

“You’d most likely feel exactly like I do. Not that I’m entirely sure how I feel myself, but…”

“It sucks, don’t it? The way you feel now? Like we shouldn’t have done this, like we can’t do it again or something like that?”

Dean nodded.

“All I feel is that this was some pretty good sex, and I want to repeat it.”

“Well, that can’t happen. You’re not my brother.”

“Shouldn’t that make it easier?”

Dean turned away from Sam and shut the light. The entire room went dark.

“Strangely, no.”

Why was it so goddamned cold?

 

 


End file.
